i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
