New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
