Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
