It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
