I can tuck mytits in my pants
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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