Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
