i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he laminated a picture of his dick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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