so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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