guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
