sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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