I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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