apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
