dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
