worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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