What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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