You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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