Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
