i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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