Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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