i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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