Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
