God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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