a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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