Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
the raccoons are back...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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