Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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