walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
