ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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