he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
