i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
