so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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