cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
