Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
