please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
