These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
