I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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