what day is it and did you see me today?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So vagazzling was a success
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
