There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want her autograph on my taint
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
