That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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