She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
