Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
