It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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