even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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