Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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