uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
