Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
