i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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