He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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