I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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