To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
