i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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