So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you inspire me to be a worse person
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
