Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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