forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
