I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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