I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
