worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
