My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
