Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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