If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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