I'm going to rape someone's good day.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
