East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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