talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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