I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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