So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
false alarm. still invincible.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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