YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
