I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
