just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Operation Purity has been aborted
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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