They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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