that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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