We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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