I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
