fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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