They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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