You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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