so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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