3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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