You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Text me some of your sweat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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