There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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