i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
