i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
