dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
