Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
