i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
