the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
